“Swan-effect” – the illusion of perfection

Everywhere we look and turn, we find ourselves being fed the idea that we are ‘incomplete’ as we are. We are told that in order to feel ‘complete’, we NEED to get a better education, work harder, earn more money, buy a fancy car, wear expensive outfits, find the love of our lives,own a posh house, afford amazing holidays, look a certain way, have the perfect family, splurge on the latest gadgets, deck ourselves in expensive jewellery, follow the latest fashion trends….the list is never-ending! Marketing companies feed on this incessant, almost obsessive, need to buy and do things that we are told will make us feel complete so that we can live happily ever after…….and be ‘perfect’.

Perfection, in every aspect of our lives, is rammed down our throats 24/7 non-stop…… and it begins right from childhood. We teach our children to strive for perfection….we hire tutors to help them excel at school, we join the race to get them enrolled into selective grammar schools, we encourage them to participate in sports, music, arts and social activities – it is not unusual for children to have a better social life than the adults who care for them.

The irony is that showing any kind of vulnerability in being able to deal with these impossibly high expectations of perfection is frowned upon and is generally considered a firm “no-no”. We are encouraged to be a swan …. wherein at surface level, we appear calm and serene - gliding gracefully; whilst under the water surface, we are furiously paddling away to simply stay afloat to project the illusion that everything is perfect.

When things don’t go quite the way we expect, we are told to “take it on the chin and suck it up” – any display of emotion that one is struggling to cope with all these immense expectations of perfection…. immediately attracts labels of “being off with the fairies” or “a bit stuck-up” or “not quite right in the head”. Worse still, if you allow yourself to display vulnerability of any kind, you are singled out as “being depressed” or “being too emotional” or simply “being weak”.

But….the crux of this whole illusion lies in the underlying, fundamental human condition of “separation”.

The truth is that we are “whole and complete” just as we are – this message has been preserved and taught by spiritual teachers & prophets throughout the ages; such as Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Krishna, Shiva and Mahavira to name a few.

Yet, despite this key message being passed down through the centuries, it is our inherent deep-rooted belief system of being ‘separate’, ‘incomplete’ and ‘unworthy’ that drives our unconscious behaviour to continually seek things and people that will make us feel ‘whole’, ‘loved’ and ‘perfect’…….without ever realising that the thing we seek externally is actually within us.

Every religion and spiritual teaching encourages us to pray and meditate, so that in being still and taking the time to contemplate in silence we discover the truth – that we are already whole and complete; perfect in every way just as we are. It is only when we are empowered by this knowledge that we are finally able to stop seeking and start serving, because we are safe and secure in the knowledge that we are worthy and truly loved.

So, where does that leave us and what can we do to change things to work in our favour?

Stop being a swan……refuse to be yet another casualty of the ‘swan-effect’, where you work relentlessly to maintain the illusion of perfection; and end up suffering from burnout and exhaustion at the exact moment you stop “paddling furiously” and shatter the illusion.

Take back control of your narrative; start with small steps and allow yourself to find the time to pause and reflect on whether you really need to strive for perfection as it has been “sold” to you; or whether you can re-establish that connection with your inner voice to realise that you are ALREADY perfection personified!!

Because you are perfect in every way, just as you are!

Love, light & blessings,

Vivian Gloria Rose